swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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