I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
