Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
