why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
