I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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