I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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