Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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