Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
