The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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