I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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