Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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