this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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