Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
