final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
