My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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