Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Barsexuality is the new black.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
