How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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