She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
