so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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