Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
