Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
