last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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