you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
