yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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