So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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