When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
