i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I have post one night stand depression
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
