My brain says no but my pants say off.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
