We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
