woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize