you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
