found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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