At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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