I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
