Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
