I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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