im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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