Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
