she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
