your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
