PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
