and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
