It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
