thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
