after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
