apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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