If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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