You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
