we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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