Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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