hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
