im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
