Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
